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Legal Talk

Legal Talk

Author: Fawzia Khan
Date: 2017-08-25

How to minimize stress during divorce

Even though divorce is a stressful time for all who are affected by it, there are ways in which this stress can be reduced and managed. I share with you some tips, which I have gained in my years as a civil and divorce litigation attorney. One of the first things I would recommend is to find a good divorce attorney. Your attorney should have a thorough knowledge of the intricacies of all the relevant and related laws and case law around divorce be empathetic to your situation and needs whilst being able to maintain some degree of professional emotional detachment. You want your attorney to be able to objectively highlight both what is achievable and what is not, insofar as your "wish list" for the divorce is concerned, and to be able to find workable solutions for you to achieve your objectives.

Secondly seek out professional help such as a psychologist, therapist or life coach to you help you through the gamut of emotions you will most certainly experience during the divorce process. Your attorney is there to offer you legal advice and representation. Attorneys do not, and should not offer counseling and therapy to their clients. This is best left to a professional in that field. By taking charge of your life, you will find the strength to make informed decisions about your future and how to cope with the changes. Find someone whom you trust to give you emotional support to help you when you have to make difficult decisions. This can be a family member or close friend. Definitely not the children, tempting though it may be! Your ex will always be the children's mom or dad, regardless of how much of hurt he or she may have subjected you to.

Once you have the emotional baggage under control, you will feel more empowered rather than be paralyzed by fear of the unknown. With this in mind, you can tackle the contentious issues like where the children will live, what contact will be allowed to the non-custodial parent with some degree of emotional detachment. The law relating to children has fundamentally changed. The Children's' Act does not focus on the needs and wishes of the parent, but rather what is in the child's best interest.

Consider appointing a mediator even if you have a divorce attorney. Having a parenting plan, preferably one where the children's wishes are taken into account would help remove much of the sting of divorce. The voice of the child is taken seriously in the Children's' Act. It talks of giving due consideration to the wishes of the child. There's nothing to stop you from still actively pursuing, through litigation, for example all the monetary parts of the divorce, such as the value of the estate of the spouses, amount of maintenance payable and so on, if mediation is not successful on those issues. Recognize that the journey at this stage of your life may be bumpy but with the right professional help, as well as a positive mindset, you will get through it. As the saying goes "This too, shall pass".

Know your rights! The Law Desk of Fawzia Khan & Associates. Giving You the Power of Attorney.

Email fawzia@thelawdesk.co.za or call 031- 5025670 for legal advice at competitive rates.