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The Legal Talk

The Legal Talk

Author: Fawzia Khan
Date: 2014-12-26
In my professional career, I've seen and come to recognize what sort of behavior can ruin a marriage and I try to avoid making those mistakes in my own life.Getting divorced even if you initiated it, can be an incredibly stressful experience. If you are in a toxic or abusive marriage, then divorce is clearly the only way to get your life back on track.

Seeing couples whose behaviour towards each other has over time become so corrosive that they end the marriage, acts as a red flag warning in my own relationship.As the nature of most law practices especially a litigation one is rooted in conflict, I endeavour to make my own home a sanctuary and as conflict free as can be practically possible under the circumstances. (Not always easy especially with three teenagers added to the mix).

Some of the knowledge I've gained in my experience as a lawyer is that clear and proper, (as opposed to poor or negative) communication is the key to a healthy marriage.

Shouting and screaming or even stone-walling your spouse is destructive and should be avoided. I find making the effort to spend time together as a couple, enjoying each other's company to be very important. Many of my clients who were very successful people were unable to sustain their marriage relationship because they were so busy making a success in their professional lives that their own personal relationships began to crumble.

Laughing with your spouse, doing silly things together as a couple and not taking yourself too seriously are some of the things I would also recommend. Be accepting of your partner's minor imperfections and recognize that you too have annoying or irritating habits.

Choosing your battles will also mean less unnecessary arguments over minor and trivial issues. The popular phrase that "love means never having to say sorry", really doesn't hold true in the real world.

In fact, acknowledging that you are indeed sorry for hurting your spouse will go a long way in restoring normal relations between the two of you. Forgiveness and letting go of the past could see a re- kindling of the romance you once shared. Humour can be an excellent way to diffuse a potential conflict. Being on the same page when it comes to your parenting style is also vital. Treating your partner in a loving, kind, considerate and respectful manner will naturally lead to that treatment being reciprocated. I would say choose your words carefully before uttering them.

Some years ago a male client was so humiliated and embarrassed by his wife's repeated conduct in belittling him, especially in public, that he eventually ended the marriage. He said the final straw was when his wife shouted at him and called him "a stupid and useless lout" whilst they were entertaining guests at a family function.

Despite seeing all the bitterness and resentment and the general negativity that a failed marriage brings, I have surprisingly not become cynical about the institution of marriage.

Off course it helps that I am fortunate to be married to a wonderful man (he says he's the world's most tolerant husband) and have been so for the past 26 years, but I also realize that happiness and contentment comes from within. If you've tried all of the above and still the believe the marriage has broken down completely, give us a call.

Know your rights! The Law Desk of Fawzia Khan & Associates. We Know! We Care! We Deliver! Email fawzia@thelawdesk.co.za or call 031-5025670 for legal assistance at competitive rates.