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Whats The Issue?

Whats The Issue?

Author: Tomas Yoko
Date: 2014-08-15
I am so freaked out. The images of decapitated Christians is upsetting my digestion and making me want to spread my masticated nourishment all over the place. I thought we left that in the dark ages with religious intolerance, but thought planted a feather and thought a chicken would grow.

I am so disgusted with the news coming out of the middle east that I think I am going to follow Pallo Jordhan and a few of his colleagues' example, go onto the internet and print myself a few degrees. Maybe I will take up investment banking, there must be a degree I can get in investment banking that will land me a big fat salaried job in a big fat bank. I must just remember not to apply at the African Bank, their salaries might not be as big as I want mine to be.

I may be totally wrong because I heard a rumour that the Reserve Bank of South Africa was preparing a big fat eight billion Rand bailout for the bank. I could save myself a whole lot of trouble and just apply for a loan from the bank, a few million and I will be able to afford some really nice Cuban cigars, an Armani suit and a big black Mercedes-Benz.

But surely there is an easier way. One where I wouldn't have to print phony certificates showing that I have a degree in social science or chartered accounting or engineering. I could join Winnie Mandela and her friend Thandi Modise and get myself a farm. Winnie wants Qunu because the livestock there are not being looked after well enough for her liking. Such a heart rendering love of cows is highly commendable. Maybe I can find a farm for free for me. I can love farm animals too you know. Thandi loved her pigs so much that she said, "The suffering that the animals endured does not compare to the financial loss that I suffered." I am not sure what to make of this statement, but I will stop short of interpreting it to mean that her loss of money was more painful than their loss of life. It might be the cynic in me that is misinterpreting her statement.

What I really need is a money farm. No two hundred Rand notes will go eating the other two hundred Rand note if I don't give it food and water. I don't have to have a farm manager to look after it, just a nice Bank Vault will do the trick. So much easier than livestock. I better go browse that google what what and see if I can find an international bankster degree that I can forge my name onto. Why not? Everybody else is doing it.

On the international front the unfortunate death of the Spanish priest who succumbed to the Ebola virus might just get the international community to stop trying to kill everyone with fancy new guided missiles and concentrate on killing the ebola virus before we all go down bleeding.